I grabbed a pen
for it to turn to lead
pressing down into my hand
my fingers numb with the weight
All I want is to write
get these pictures in my head
onto a page as beautiful words
convincing passages
acceptable lies
needed truths
I grabbed a pen only for it to turn to lead
too heavy to lift
again, I'll get no writing done...
Lead Pen
Writer's Life Collection
Has someone repeated your name
just to get a taste for it?
to devour it over and over,
find every flavor hidden in the sound,
until you fit their pallet?
Until your name became the craving
that drove them mad?
Have you watched someone taste your name
and wanted more?
Tasting a Name
Lovesick Collection
You're like the tide
incessantly crashing on the shore,
in a moment of insanity.
hoping with each movement,
you're either washed up on the sand
or lulled into the depths of the ocean.
You ask for that cold embrace like it'll return
you to the land of the living
Tide of the Mind
Depression Collection
I woke with the sun,
but it was not from sleep
That I escaped.
I woke with the summer sky,
but it was not from a broken heart
that I arose.
I woke from a clouded mind,
As depression fell into slumber,
realization rang clear.
I was free of the chains
from the me that surfaces when I blink
Today, I can exist happily
I Awoke
Depression Collection
All I feel is despair
as it turns to ash on my tongue.
Every dream, every hope
held in a noose of spider silk.
Words get stuck in my throat
before they can manifest
their value deemed useless.
Ineffective, unnecessary, uncalled for.
And I am nothing more than
an unsaid conversation
held together by sparkling thread.
Silk
Depression Collection
Love is not a light emotion
It's heavy and dark
with nigh-time florals
and aether musk
Raindrops and stardust.
It reminds you that there's more
more to life
more to the mundane
more to beauty.
Love is not a light emotion.
It's not the winter sun
Not the empty moon
Nor is it a tickling breeze
of a springtime air.
It's heavy
In the way joy makes you burst at the seams
It's heavy
In the way it pulls you to and fro like the tide
It's heavy
In the way it poisons you against reason
Love is not a light emotion
So do not take it with a light grip.
Do not accept it from a light mind,
hold it with heavy hands
and love with a heavy heart.
Love Scent
Lovesick Collection
Your love is so quiet
that I often can't hear.
So quiet that I can't feel
the whisper on my neck.
I'm unable to notice the
soft touches of affection.
I need you to be louder
for I don't speak silence.
Quiet
Lovesick Collection
Writers block born of depression.
Original inspiration holds not interest
Death of a muse makes it harder
to lose oneself in the music
pages pile up in your head
by feeling alone
but the words don't come
Can't focus on a paragraph
can't focus on a scene
can't
Focus
Blocks
Writer's Life Collection
Silent stars twinkle against absence
Filling voids they've lost inside themselves.
Eyes bore them down, fearful of existence.
Little tendrils drag them close, begging for their power.
Every selfish crave pressed upon them, devouring their purpose.
Until there was nothing left but traces of glittering dust.
In mourning, some flee the chaos of wishes.
Only to find their plummeting husk hold more value.
And so the children snuff themselves out.
Hiding in the nothingness of the humanity that sought them
Constellations nothing more than words of amusement.
They will only return for the selfless
And you my dear, aren't
Falling Star
Miscellaneous Collection
I flirt with suicide
like I haven't had a hundred lovers
Lean into its embrace to tease,
only to step away with scars on my skin
Scars on my mind
An intimate dance
An intimate quarrel
Screaming on the edge
Trying to escape the pounding my head
The thrum in my veins,
that looks for any opening
begs for me to let it see the moonlight
I shouldn't court suicide.
Worst Flirt
Depression Collection
My soul wears
a psychotic smile
so be careful when you
look into my eyes
The mercury tears
aren't to hid it
because the madness
over
f
l
o
w
s
Mercury Tears
Depression Collection
I came running to you
with ice in my veins
fire on my skin
I forgot how to breathe
as you watched me succumb to the pain.
No Help
Depression Collection
Is it really that hard to look at me?
Are you incapable of speaking to me?
Of my creations
of my ideas
of my dreams
I want your feedback
I want your praise
I want your criticism
Your realism...
I'm tired of wading through placations
I'm tired of drowning in a sea of silence
I'm tired of burning in rejcetions
Validations
Writer's Life Collection
What does it mean to want to be somewhere?
What does it mean when you look at your dreams
and you just...
wonder why...
wonder what then?
Why dream at all, what will you gain?
It's not a question of if or when you'll gain it
when you'll make it
But...
then what?
Why did you want it in the first place?
Aside from money, aside from fame, aside from prestige
What do you get for yourself?
Intrinsically?
How long does satisfaction last?
And is it worth it?
What Do Dreams Mean?
Writer's Life Collection
If you keep giving me time
your absence will no longer
cause me sadness.
But in doing so
you'll stop bringing me joy.
Warning or Reminder
I'll be Alright
Depression Collection
Does my name resonate in your head?
Do you daydream of us?
Do you get so consumed with adoration that you feel like a wave trapped in a human body?
When I call your name, my voice full of affection, does it make you smile?
Do you love me in the ways I love you?
Do You Love Me Like I love You?
Lovesick Collection
There are blissful days in which I forget
Forget how much self hatred is contained in this heart of mine.
Days I Forget
Depression Collection
Fractured light filters
through cresting waves.
Stars fall in open waters
as salt torn throats sing.
Laments that infuse your soul
with deafening cold
a yearning for life so pure,
you offer yours in retribution.
Odes to those left behind on shore
for they were forced to watery grave
Melodies that ripple across miles,
turning to sung whispers
Echoes that sink rather than skip
until all is asunder
Siren
Majikly Inhuman Collection
I have fallen into the abyss,
so deep I could no longer see.
but I always find myself
back on the edge,
facing the other way.
I have tripped into my thoughts
so violently I come away
with scraped knees,
the flesh of my palms
broken and bleeding.
but my blood runs black
because I stared for too long
Abyss
Depression Collection
Her lips were stained
with the blood of roses
velvet sapphire eyes
poured out oceans
A creature of the earth
trapped and bound in the city scape
Man made stars devour the soul
Of majik born entities
lost in the throws of society
Death of Majik
Majikly Inhuman Collection
My greatest weakness is a song.
A siren mistress
in thrall with the bass
the beat in my very chest.
I melt away until I'm nothing but
the melody
swaying to the rhythm
breathing in each instrument
until there's nothing left
but music
Music
Miscellaneous Collection
I travers the loom of life
with an unanchored thread.
So with each decision
I watch my tapestry unravel.
Thread
Depression Collection
A creature born into mortal flesh,
soul older than written word,
tied to her earthly prison
with no control
This life the pentacle of her past selves
and they all meld together
At summer end with oldest star
war upon us near and far
secrets awaken
lives will be taken
human and fae
majik be as it may
Fae Side
Majikly Inhuman Collection
The streets are flooded
with the rosé of the setting sun
And I'm drunk on thoughts
of suicide
Lost Thoughts
Depression Collection
White out room, void of the safe darkness.
Black simple dress,
comforting in its coolness.
Red vibrant string,
made from fates energy
and the blood of its owner.
She bent over a knot, tears falling, knowing she'll never find them.
Red String
Depression Collection
I fell in love with you.
The way the leaves fall in autumn.
The way the ocean reaches
for the shore every day.
The way the night and day
chase each other.
Consistently
Constantly
Passionately
The Way I Fell In Love
Lovesick Collection
I write because I can't contain myself.
Because I can't remember.
I write to not feel so strongly
To not feel so alone.
I write for myself, to prove I can.
For myself so I can escape.
I write for you, so you can
hear the words I can't say.
So you can tell when I'm not ok.
I write because I can't see myself doing anything else
Why I Write
Writer's Life Collection
Giving up on love was never my intent.
To turn my back on so much wasted time.
Wasted in the sense that I could have loved you differently.
Could have loved you better.
To forget you is out of the question
so I'll go on loving you as a friend
Loving You Differently
Lovesick Collection
His shadow gleamed behind him
seeing hers so small
In comparison her was dim
but her healthy façade would let them fall
While they were happy with smiles
Their shadows entered
a dangerous courtship
She sent her love across miles and miles
Her little shadow ready
to devour his script
He accepted it all without delay
His shadow thinking it had the upper hand
They wanted one another to stay
but her shadow made its stand.
She knew she couldn't keep ith together
as her shadow bled with ink
he held on to their tether
his shadow, letting it all sink
Inner Demons
Miscellaneous Collection
There's so many secrets
I want to show you,
So many questions to ask, but
fear takes me over,
an icy hand on my heart.
I don't want my curiosities
to scare you away,
but I still want to start
Know Me
Lovesick Collection
You were the dream from which I never wanted to wake.
The fevered dream that kept me from sleep.
The one person I set my heart on thinking it wouldn't fail.
A thousand days and you're still on my mind.
Every time I turn around, it's with a thought of you.
I can't find the right words for this longing.
I've never had your touch to crave it
Never felt your kiss to need it.
But that doesn't stop me
from dreaming of you.
Dreaming of You
Lovesick Collection
A writers lifestyle must take a
backseat to reality.
And by backseat, I mean the
floorboard between the two.
And like toddler or teenage mischief,
You'll find it between the driver and passenger seat.
Eventually, we'll be found driving
driving reality insane with a plethora of ideas.
With a writers lifestyle
Writer's Driving
Writer's Life Collection
Don't let them step on you.
Stand up for yourself always.
But as soon as I rebel,
as I tell them I'm treated wrong,
I'm threatened.
I could lose everything
I'm shown that I'm easily replaced.
So I kept my head down,
let the tears soak the ground
beneath me.
And waited to light the matches,
to bring it all down
Catch-22
Miscellaneous Collection
She told herself it was nothing more
than a fevered dream.
But she can still feel his hands roaming
still feel his breath in her ear
She hated her mortal body
where phantom fangs hurt her teeth
Nothing more than a fevered dream
this open window to another time.
Fevered Dream
Majikly Inhuman Collection
When I'm with you
I can't forget how he made me feel
I can't help but respond in the ways he wanted
And I know it will drive you away.
But I can't stop saying I'm sorry.
For every little thing.
When you don't speak for days
I should ask if you're ok
But I think I've done something wrong.
I feel at fault for an imagined slight.
You could give me nothing but joy
and I would still think I did something wrong.
The Way He Made Me Feel
Depression Collection
Passing images through touch
Passing feelings through stolen glances
If I'm so full of everyone else,
how can I know me?
Where do the others stop and I begin?
Can you tell when you look at an after-image
or do you even see them at all?
My heart doesn't fit on my sleeve,
as I'm forced to care for those around me.
Empath
Majikly Inhuman Collection
Your pain is only for today
It will vanish before
it devours you
Though it won't seem that way.
You're a rainbow.
A burst of laughter
You're alive
My pain is a grandfather clock
passed down for generations.
A little broken but guaranteed to chime.
Can't rid myself of an inheritance.
I'm the winter sky
The vastness of the ocean
And I'll always exist.
Comparing Pain
Depression Collection
I fell in love with the wrong phrase.
I thought too much on how to speak
because a djinn will always win.
I'm so tired of making material wishes.
I wish money would come my way.
I wish my car worked or I had a new one
I wish I had a significant other
I wish I found my soulmate
I wish I had better grades
I wish-
I'm done with wishes
With asking someone who isn't listening
to help me get the things that I can do myself.
I will not bow down and beg anyone for anything.
I'll stand on my own
Carve my own way
Be my own hope.
But I still love the phrase
So maybe I can listen to you
Perhaps your wish will come true
Wishes
Miscellaneous Collection
You caress my fears and insecurities.
Like a love in a dance, hand on my waist, words in my mind.
I can't escape.
Around and around we twirl
around and around I spiral.
Your sweet heart keeps me from falling.
But I can't find the truth there.
Where will I find you
at the music's end?
Dance
Lovesick Collection
If you ever wonder why a writer is broke,
it's not because we haven't made it.
take a look at their bookshelves and how full it is,
how many hardbacks they have.
Look at their desks and how many unused notebooks litters the drawers, the cute and unique writing utensils lay around.
And don't even look at the caffeine receipts
Why We Are Broke
Writer's Life Collection
It all begins to feel like nothing.
It's not my anger that should be feared,
as catastrophic as it can be.
It's the sadness that dwells in my soul
that should cause you to tremble.
It's the tears that will flow
until you drown in my sorrows.
The demons that escape,
that should cause hope.
But we all know wouldn't last
It was the darkness of my being
that was supposed to protect me
from the carelessness that is you
Sad Demons
Depression Collection
It was a quiet despair
as the silence took over the mind
letting it all rot
A quiet despair
as the room emptied
leaving a heart full of loneliness
A quiet despair
as what was left
became a void
A Quiet Despair
Depression Collection
I have such fine lines
You can cross them with your fingertips
One line a mere accident
you can hardly notice
one surgical white line
only a lovers chance to see
one hidden line
that even I won't be
Scars
Depression Collection
You were a love
I wanted to keep.
Three years of waiting
and still you vanished
after one meeting
Attempt
Lovesick Collection
The trees are a mile high,
leaves so bright and translucent
the light that reaches the floor glows.
Her summer dress, crème and aged lace flowing
dancing around her knees
drops of delicacy on her shoulders.
Silk auburn hair
curves along shoulder blades,
framing almond-olive toned heart
face where sky whirlpools are alight
with life.
Lotus and lilacs dance around her head
emerald stems intertwined
petals kiss her forehead.
Black and raspberries stain plump lips
hiding a lily smile.
Her arms outstretched as she twirls and twirls
Small beads of crimson trace them
where the trees said their hellos.
Her feet, slippers of dust and dirt,
grass leaving quiet screams on her skin
as she dances past.
Unfamiliar Language
Miscellaneous Collection
Screams fill her head
day and night
And not once did she cry out for help
Not once did she try to silence them
She just let herself drown
Anxiety
Depression Collection
By the time I say goodbye
It'll have been long past due
There will be no sorrow left
Only an empty smile
I'm not happy to say goodbye
More that I need to
Good riddance feels more accurate
You'll just tell me I'm crazy again
Goodbye
Lovesick Collection
I find myself shattering
Falling into poetic pieces
Each broken shard a new tempo
Each laceration a new alliteration
A new stanza for each person
my heart encased
A repetition of sounds and syllables
Ever fluctuating in the metaphor
But explaining the loves becomes a simile.
But there's no smiles as the light dims
no music to fade out as the stage crumbles
beneath feet of betrayal
because I opened myself to the pain
of loving my new poem
Love Poem
Lovesick Collection
Who are you,
to scream my brothers name,
so loud the crows stop feasting on his eyes?
Who are you,
to scream my sisters name,
so much the wolves leave her corpse in the snow?
Who are you,
to have my lovers name on your tongue,
as you watch my family perish?
Who am I,
to question your mourning,
murder weapon in hand?
Who am I,
to laugh as I hand your soul
to a waiting god?
Who am I,
but a goddess claiming the sacrifices promised?
Who Are We?
Majikly Inhuman Collection
Build me an open temple
out in a quiet wood.
Grab stones from the oldest quarry
tell the plants its been there for centuries.
The vines will grow and cover it in tender embraces
the grass will find its way through the floor
just to say hello
The trees will cover it, protect it from the weather that gets lonely.
Take me to the forest temple
and worship me so thoroughly
love is our only language.
Prove to me I'm a goddess in mortal flesh as we descend into thrall.
Remind the world why majik fled
at the mere sound of our names.
Uttered under silent stars
Louder than prayers yet quieter than wishes.
Forest Temple
Majikly Inhuman Collection
I am constantly waiting to wake up
My ears straining to hear the beeping of an alarm
Or a heart monitor
Anything to say this isn’t real
I must have been a criminal
Because this is torture
Being stuck in a mundane life
Majik stuck in my veins screaming to get out
My skin feels tight and unfamiliar
My soul hovering in the back recess of this shell
Watching through programed eyes
Limbs are heavy
My heart is heavy
If I, with sweet demeanor, am criminal
What kind of world did I come from?
What crime could I have committed
To be given this nightmare
I fear I’ll never wake