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I grabbed a pen

for it to turn to lead

pressing down into my hand

my fingers numb with the weight

All I want is to write

get these pictures in my head

onto a page as beautiful words

convincing passages

acceptable lies

needed truths

I grabbed a pen only for it to turn to lead

too heavy to lift

again, I'll get no writing done...

Lead Pen
Writer's Life Collection

Has someone repeated your name 

just to get a taste for it?

to devour it over and over,

find every flavor hidden in the sound,

until you fit their pallet?

Until your name became the craving 

that drove them mad?

Have you watched someone taste your name

and wanted more?

Tasting a Name
Lovesick Collection

You're like the tide

incessantly crashing on the shore,

in a moment of insanity.

hoping with each movement,

you're either washed up on the sand

or lulled into the depths of the ocean.

You ask for that cold embrace like it'll return

you to the land of the living

Tide of the Mind
Depression Collection

I woke with the sun, 

but it was not from sleep

That I escaped.

I woke with the summer sky,

but it was not from a broken heart

that I arose.

I woke from a clouded mind, 

As depression fell into slumber,

realization rang clear.

I was free of the chains 

from the me that surfaces when I blink

Today, I can exist happily

I Awoke
Depression Collection

All I feel is despair

as it turns to ash on my tongue.

Every dream, every hope

held in a noose of spider silk.

Words get stuck in my throat

before they can manifest

their value deemed useless.

Ineffective, unnecessary, uncalled for.

And I am nothing more than

an unsaid conversation

held together by sparkling thread.

Silk
Depression Collection

Love is not a light emotion

It's heavy and dark

with nigh-time florals

and aether musk

Raindrops and stardust.

It reminds you that there's more 

more to life

more to the mundane

more to beauty.

Love is not a light emotion.

It's not the winter sun

Not the empty moon

Nor is it a tickling breeze 

of a springtime air.

It's heavy

In the way joy makes you burst at the seams

It's heavy 

In the way it pulls you to and fro like the tide

It's heavy

In the way it poisons you against reason

Love is not a light emotion

So do not take it with a light grip.

Do not accept it from a light mind,

hold it with heavy hands

and love with a heavy heart.

Love Scent
Lovesick Collection

Your love is so quiet

that I often can't hear.

So quiet that I can't feel

the whisper on my neck.

I'm unable to notice the

soft touches of affection.

I need you to be louder

for I don't speak silence.

Quiet
Lovesick Collection

Writers block born of depression.

Original inspiration holds not interest

Death of a muse makes it harder

to lose oneself in the music

pages pile up in your head

by feeling alone

but the words don't come

Can't focus on a paragraph

can't focus on a scene

can't

Focus

Blocks
Writer's Life Collection

Silent stars twinkle against absence

Filling voids they've lost inside themselves.

Eyes bore them down, fearful of existence.

Little tendrils drag them close, begging for their power.

Every selfish crave pressed upon them, devouring their purpose.

Until there was nothing left but traces of glittering dust.

In mourning, some flee the chaos of wishes.

Only to find their plummeting husk hold more value.

And so the children snuff themselves out.

Hiding in the nothingness of the humanity that sought them

Constellations nothing more than words of amusement.

They will only return for the selfless

And you my dear, aren't

Falling Star
Miscellaneous Collection

I flirt with suicide

like I haven't had a hundred lovers

Lean into its embrace to tease, 

only to step away with scars on my skin

Scars on my mind

An intimate dance

An intimate quarrel

Screaming on the edge 

Trying to escape the pounding my head

The thrum in my veins,

that looks for any opening

begs for me to let it see the moonlight

I shouldn't court suicide.

Worst Flirt
Depression Collection

My soul wears

a psychotic smile

so be careful when you 

look into my eyes

The mercury tears

aren't to hid it

because the madness

over

       f

        l

         o

           w

              s

Mercury Tears
Depression Collection

I came running to you

with ice in my veins

fire on my skin

I forgot how to breathe

as you watched me succumb to the pain.

No Help
Depression Collection

Is it really that hard to look at me?

Are you incapable of speaking to me?

Of my creations

of my ideas

of my dreams

I want your feedback

I want your praise

I want your criticism

Your realism...

I'm tired of wading through placations

I'm tired of drowning in a sea of silence

I'm tired of burning in rejcetions

Validations
Writer's Life Collection

What does it mean to want to be somewhere?

What does it mean when you look at your dreams

and you just...

wonder why...

wonder what then?

Why dream at all, what will you gain?

It's not a question of if or when you'll gain it

when you'll make it

But...

then what?

Why did you want it in the first place?

Aside from money, aside from fame, aside from prestige

What do you get for yourself?

Intrinsically?

How long does satisfaction last?

And is it worth it?

What Do Dreams Mean?
Writer's Life Collection

If you keep giving me time

your absence will no longer 

cause me sadness.

But in doing so

you'll stop bringing me joy.

Warning or Reminder
I'll be Alright
Depression Collection

Does my name resonate in your head?

 

Do you daydream of us?

 

Do you get so consumed with adoration that you feel like a wave trapped in a human body?

When I call your name, my voice full of affection, does it make you smile?

Do you love me in the ways I love you?

Do You Love Me Like I love You?
Lovesick Collection

There are blissful days in which I forget

Forget how much self hatred is contained in this heart of mine.

Days I Forget
Depression Collection

Fractured light filters

through cresting waves.

Stars fall in open waters

as salt torn throats sing.

Laments that infuse your soul 

with deafening cold

a yearning for life so pure,

you offer yours in retribution.

Odes to those left behind on shore

for they were forced to watery grave

Melodies that ripple across miles,

turning to sung whispers

Echoes that sink rather than skip

until all is asunder

Siren
Majikly Inhuman Collection

I have fallen into the abyss,

so deep I could no longer see.

but I always find myself

back on the edge,

facing the other way.

I have tripped into my thoughts

so violently I come away

with scraped knees,

the flesh of my palms

broken and bleeding.

but my blood runs black

because I stared for too long

Abyss
Depression Collection

Her lips were stained

with the blood of roses

velvet sapphire eyes

poured out oceans

A creature of the earth 

trapped and bound in the city scape

Man made stars devour the soul

Of majik born entities

lost in the throws of society

Death of Majik
Majikly Inhuman Collection

My greatest weakness is a song.

A siren mistress

in thrall with the bass

the beat in my very chest.

I melt away until I'm nothing but 

the melody

swaying to the rhythm

breathing in each instrument

until there's nothing left

but music

Music
Miscellaneous Collection

I travers the loom of life

with an unanchored thread.

So with each decision

I watch my tapestry unravel.

Thread
Depression Collection

A creature born into mortal flesh,

soul older than written word,

tied to her earthly prison

with no control

This life the pentacle of her past selves

and they all meld together

At summer end with oldest star

war upon us near and far

secrets awaken 

lives will be taken

human and fae 

majik be as it may

Fae Side
Majikly Inhuman Collection

The streets are flooded

with the rosé of the setting sun

And I'm drunk on thoughts

of suicide

Lost Thoughts
Depression Collection

White out room, void of the safe darkness.

Black simple dress, 

comforting in its coolness.

Red vibrant string, 

made from fates energy 

and the blood of its owner.

She bent over a knot, tears falling, knowing she'll never find them.

Red String
Depression Collection

I fell in love with you.

The way the leaves fall in autumn.

The way the ocean reaches

for the shore every day.

The way the night and day

chase each other.

Consistently

Constantly

Passionately

The Way I Fell In Love
Lovesick Collection

I write because I can't contain myself.

Because I can't remember.

I write to not feel so strongly

To not feel so alone.

I write for myself, to prove I can.

For myself so  I can escape.

I write for you, so you can 

hear the words I can't say.

So you can tell when I'm not ok.

I write because I can't see myself doing anything else

Why I Write
Writer's Life Collection

Giving up on love was never my intent.

To turn my back on so much wasted time.

Wasted in the sense that I could have loved you differently.

Could have loved you better.

To forget you is out of the question

so I'll go on loving you as a friend

Loving You Differently
Lovesick Collection

His shadow gleamed behind him

seeing hers so small

In comparison her was dim

but her healthy façade would let them fall

While they were happy with smiles

Their shadows entered

a dangerous courtship

She sent her love across miles and miles

Her little shadow ready

to devour his script

He accepted it all without delay

His shadow thinking it had the upper hand

They wanted one another to stay

but her shadow made its stand.

She knew she couldn't keep ith together

as her shadow bled with ink

he held on to their tether

his shadow, letting it all sink

Inner Demons
Miscellaneous Collection

There's so many secrets 

I want to show you, 

So many questions to  ask, but

fear takes me over,

an icy hand on my heart.

I don't want my curiosities

to scare you away,

but I still want to start

Know Me
Lovesick Collection

You were the dream from which I never wanted to wake.

The fevered dream that kept me from sleep.

The one person I set my heart on thinking it wouldn't fail.

A thousand days and you're still on my mind. 

Every time I turn around, it's with a thought of you.

I can't find the right words for this longing.

I've never had your touch to crave it

Never felt your kiss to need it.

But that doesn't stop me

from dreaming of you.

Dreaming of You
Lovesick Collection

A writers lifestyle must take a 

backseat to reality.

And by backseat, I mean the 

floorboard between the two.

And like toddler or teenage mischief, 

You'll find it between the driver and passenger seat.

Eventually, we'll be found driving

driving reality insane with a plethora of ideas.

With a writers lifestyle

Writer's Driving
Writer's Life Collection

Don't let them step on you.

Stand up for yourself always.

But as soon as I rebel,

as I tell them I'm treated wrong,

I'm threatened.

I could lose everything  

I'm shown that I'm easily replaced.

So I kept my head down,

let the tears soak the ground

beneath me.

And waited to light the matches,

to bring it all down

Catch-22
Miscellaneous Collection

She told herself it was nothing more

than a fevered dream.

But she can still feel his hands roaming

still feel his breath in her ear

She hated her mortal body 

where phantom fangs hurt her teeth

Nothing more than a fevered dream

this open window to another time.

Fevered Dream
Majikly Inhuman Collection

When I'm with you

I can't forget how he made me feel

I can't help but respond in the ways he wanted

And I know it will drive you away.

But I can't stop saying I'm sorry.

For every little thing.

When you don't speak for days

I should ask if you're ok

But I think I've done something wrong.

I feel at fault for an imagined slight.

You could give me nothing but joy

and I would still think I did something wrong.

The Way He Made Me Feel
Depression Collection

Passing images through touch

Passing feelings through stolen glances

If I'm so full of everyone else,

how can I know me?

Where do the others stop and I begin?

Can you tell when you look at an after-image 

or do you even see them at all?

My heart doesn't fit on my sleeve,

as I'm forced to care for those around me.

Empath
Majikly Inhuman Collection

Your pain is only for today

It will vanish before

it devours you

Though it won't seem that way.

You're a rainbow.

A burst of laughter

You're alive

My pain is a grandfather clock

passed down for generations.

A little broken but guaranteed to chime.

Can't rid myself of an inheritance.

I'm the winter sky

The vastness of the ocean

And I'll always exist.

Comparing Pain
Depression Collection

I fell in love with the wrong phrase.

I thought too much on how to speak

because a djinn will always win.

I'm so tired of making material wishes.

I wish money would come my way.

I wish my car worked or I had a new one

I wish I had a significant other

I wish I found my soulmate

I wish I had better grades

I wish-

I'm done with wishes

With asking someone who isn't listening

to help me get the things that I can do myself.

I will not bow down and beg anyone for anything.

I'll stand on my own

Carve my own way

Be my own hope.

But I still love the phrase 

So maybe I can listen to you

Perhaps your wish will come true

Wishes
Miscellaneous Collection

You caress my fears and insecurities.

Like a love in a dance, hand on my waist, words in my mind.

I can't escape.

Around and around we twirl

around and around I spiral.

Your sweet heart keeps me from falling.

But I can't find the truth there.

Where will I find you 

at the music's end?

Dance
Lovesick Collection

If you ever wonder why a writer is broke,

it's not because we haven't made it.

take a look at their bookshelves and how full it is,

how many hardbacks they have.

Look at their desks and how many unused notebooks litters the drawers, the cute and unique writing utensils lay around.

And don't even look at the caffeine receipts

Why We Are Broke
Writer's Life Collection

It all begins to feel like nothing.

It's not my anger that should be feared,

as catastrophic as it can be.

It's the sadness that dwells in my soul

that should cause you to tremble.

It's the tears that will flow

until you drown in my sorrows.

 

The demons that escape,

that should cause hope.

But we all know wouldn't last

It was the darkness of my being

that was supposed to protect me

from the carelessness that is you

Sad Demons
Depression Collection

It was a quiet despair

as the silence took over the mind

letting it all rot

A quiet despair

as the room emptied

leaving a heart full of loneliness

A quiet despair

as what was left

became a void

A Quiet Despair
Depression Collection

I have such fine lines

You can cross them with your fingertips

One line a mere accident

you can hardly notice

one surgical white line

only a lovers chance to see

one hidden line

that even I won't be

Scars
Depression Collection

You were a love

I wanted to keep.

Three years of waiting

and still you vanished 

after one meeting

Attempt
Lovesick Collection

The trees are a mile high,

leaves so bright and translucent

the light that reaches the floor glows.

Her summer dress, crème and aged lace flowing

dancing around her knees

drops of delicacy on her shoulders.

Silk auburn hair

curves along shoulder blades, 

framing almond-olive toned heart

face where sky whirlpools are alight

with life.

Lotus and lilacs dance around her head

emerald stems intertwined

petals kiss her forehead.

Black and raspberries stain plump lips

hiding a lily smile.

Her arms outstretched as she twirls and twirls

Small beads of crimson trace them

where the trees said their hellos.

Her feet, slippers of dust and dirt,

grass leaving quiet screams on her skin

as she dances past.

Unfamiliar Language
Miscellaneous Collection

Screams fill her head

day and night

And not once did she cry out for help

Not once did she try to silence them

She just let herself drown

Anxiety
Depression Collection

By the time I say goodbye

It'll have been long past due

There will be no sorrow left

Only an empty smile

I'm not happy to say goodbye

More that I need to

Good riddance feels more accurate

 

You'll just tell me I'm crazy again

Goodbye
Lovesick Collection

I find myself shattering

Falling into poetic pieces

Each broken shard a new tempo

Each laceration a new alliteration

A new stanza for each person

my heart encased

A repetition of sounds and syllables

Ever fluctuating in the metaphor

But explaining the loves becomes a simile.

But there's no smiles as the light dims

no music to fade out as the stage crumbles

beneath feet of betrayal

because I opened myself to the pain

of loving my new poem

Love Poem
Lovesick Collection

Who are you,

to scream my brothers name,

so loud the crows stop feasting on his eyes?

Who are you,

to scream my sisters name,

so much the wolves leave her corpse in the snow?

Who are you,